| i was once in a dream...then realized...it wasn't reality |
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[Thursday
March 22nd, at 2:56pm] |
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mood |
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 peaceful |
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were i stripped of everything i own, i would still have everthing i need. it is indeed in this life who you are and what you are made of that will either make or break you. it is not what car you drive or what clothes you wear or how hot your significant other is. it is solely the fact of can you overcome...
"this is my life...make of it what you will and judge me not on what i say, but who i am."
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[Tuesday
November 14th, at 6:04pm] |
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music |
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football on tv and dani's room mates |
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so much has changed, and yet, i feel uninspired to write. life is completely different from what it was when i left LA. i start training in january to be a paramedic, and i'm looking forward to that. dani and i are still happily together, just over 10 months now, so yeah.....
i'm teaching snowboarding again this season, hopefully i don't jack myself up again this year, though we'll see. i'm looking forward to being back on a board, i feel at home there.
not much else to say....
if you want to catch up...call me. 720 352 9142.
peace
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[Friday
March 10th, at 7:14am] |
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mood |
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meh.....calm-ish? |
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music |
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breaking benjamin ~ firefly |
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so it's been 2 months and a day with this amazing person:
it doesn't feel like it's been that long at all.....and i love it! we are both so happy, and i don't think i could ask for anything better! i love you dani, and like i said, i don't care if the whole world knows it!
on another note, life in general is going alright. i am doing construction 6 days a week for 11 hours a day, and it's fun. it's rediculously hard work, but i'm enjoying it, and it pays decently. i am also still teaching snowboarding up at eldora, on sundays.....so i dn't really get a break from work to sleep, but it's alright. the season is ending soon, and i'm looking forward to it and not at the same time. i love snowboarding, but at the same time....i'm gonna be really happy wheni don't have to deal with a bunch of whiny kids, and the occational idiot of a parent or staff member. next season......is kinda up in the air. i want to work again, but i'm not sure. all my buddies up there are leaving for steamboat next season because of the snow and they are just tired of eldo. so we'll see......i may, i may not.
well i'm out....gotta go to work. so i'm out, peace!
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[Sunday
February 19th, at 6:26pm] |
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mood |
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 unsure.... |
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music |
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you're beautiful ~ james blunt |
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i love you, and i'm sorry for not being talkative about it....it's just something that i dn't do....and wouldn't want to happen. i'm sorry.....
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| life in the E.R. |
[Friday
January 27th, at 11:49pm] |
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mood |
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content |
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music |
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you and me ~ lifehouse |
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so i landed myelf back in the E.R. today, for seperating my shoulder again. it's the same injury, but like twice as bad this time. i now have an gap in my shoulder a little more than an inch, i can fit my finger in the gap where the bones should be joined. so yet again, i'm back in a sling and on vicotin, which sucks ass. i'd rather be out teaching, and i'm supposed to be tomorrow and monday. the thing that i 'm really bummed about, is that i'm not gonna be able to work with this amazing person:
i already miss her enough. anyways...other than that, life's pretty good. i'm currently looking into being an E.M.T. oddly enough. i need to make a few phone calls and i need to wait until i'm healed to even consider starting training, but overall, i'm really looking forward to it. it pays pretty decently too, which wouldn't be bad at all....i wouldn't mind making 30,000 a year. that's not bad for a 19 year old guy with no college under his belt. so we'll see. i'll definately let you guys know if i do.
not much else is going on here....i'm content with life. dani is amazing, and it's been a long time like i've felt like this! she really does care about me....i mean the girl felt bad cause she couldn't drive like and hour to come take me to the e.r. and i told her that it was ok, that my uncle was coming and she STILL feels bad about it. idk...i dn't know that i've ever had that...and if i did, it wasn't quite the same. idk....things are just *sigh* nice. i hope everyone back home is doing well, i miss you guys. when i can i'll either drive out or fly out to see you all.....i need some time with my friends, i'm kinda deprived out here in that sense. dn't
oh, f.y.i. my cell should be getting shut off tomorrow, mainly because i can't afford it right now. once i get a steady job, then i'll be fine, and i'll post when i do get one, and the number. until then, you can reach me on my house phone at 303.442.6248. it's my own line with my own machine, so dn't worry about waking anyone up, unless it me, and try to keep it reasonalbe, unless of course, you really need to talk. but if you know me, you know how i am.
alright, that's all for now.....i'm out, peace!
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[Saturday
January 21st, at 1:13am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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holes ~ smile empty soul |
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so wow, things have been looking up lately, it's a nice change of pace. for those of you that don't know yet, i've found me a girl! (finally, right?) anywho...she's awesome and i adore her. it seems almost like things just flow, it's been a long time since i've even come close to that with anyone....and i dn't know if it's ever been this easy, for both of us. if your interested http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v698/blondie4life378/cali009.jpg <--that's dani! i absolutely adore this girl, and well...yeah. i havn't yet found the words to describe how things click.
otay, enough with me blabbering about her, as amazing as she is....so life is decent as of late. i'm still teaching ppl how to snowboard up at eldora (btw, if anyone wants to come and visit me, wink wink, then i can get you a pass for the day for 19 bucks, so let me know) i'm currently looking for a new job cause my last one kinda went out....i did some damage to a 40 foot bus that they didn't train me how to drive, and then got pissed at me....so i'm kinda done there. other than that....not much. went and visited courtney and dani up at csu, which was awesome, i miss my people from venice...i think mostly i just miss the social life that i had back home. life was good then, i had people all around me that i knew, and it was easy to find something to do because of it. it's slightly more difficult here....but i'm managing. anyways....hope everyone is hanging in there....miss you all! hit me up sometime......peace out!
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| um.....so yeah. |
[Thursday
November 24th, at 12:40pm] |
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music |
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throwdown ~ speak the truth |
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so life is decent...nothing much happening. my appologies for having my entries so few and far between. my job as a full time preschool teacher comes to an end on wednesday next week, so i have to find something better to do with my time....sadly. i am not really looking forward to it....but my aunt has told me that if i "havn't found a job, then i am going to go to the gym, then go apply for at least two jobs everyday until i find one." which isnt' that bad....but i do want to work. hopefully my position as a snowboard instructor works out....so we'll see. still a loner...and sadly...i'm looking forward to go to class...just to feel like i'm being productive....i feel like my brain is melting away with all the knowledge that i should have retained from highschool but just couldnt manage to keep in. so yes....life is decent...and that is that. hope all is well back in venice. i miss you guys! hopefully i'll be down sometime around winterbreak....so we'll see. take care, much love! peace!~
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[Saturday
November 12th, at 8:23am] |
a familiar face
and i'm overwashed in memories
things flood my mind
remembering every detail
it's been so long since we've said things.....
yet the feeling hasn't changed at all.
you are still you.....
and i still i.
so.....i took steph out to dinner last night at the cheesecake factory. it was good to see her, and things havn't changed at all. she's still the same old steph. for some reason, it feels like things have come almost full circle....and we now have a friendship that is close again. i missed it.
anyways, enough about steph. life is good, not all that much is new. i'm still doing my thing as always. mountainbiking here and there...trying to get in a few last rides before season closes, and the other season opens. i'll be teaching snowboarding this season.....so i'm looking forward to that. anyone wanna come and visit? i'll give you a free lift ticket, as long as i have some left. i miss my ppl's in la!
lol. sorry. but yeah....life is pretty good. i'm still teaching preschool, but will probably be leaving that soon as well to be a mechanic! well...gotta go to the gym, so i'm out like a light! love you guys!
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[Thursday
October 27th, at 12:56am] |
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mood |
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i miss you guys... |
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whats the point of celebrating your birthday if all the people you want to spend it with are 1100 miles away? i miss my people's...::sigh:: oh yeah, happy birthday to me.
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[Saturday
October 8th, at 12:48am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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silence |
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so it's been a long ass time. life is life, and i have been busy with it. my sicerest appoligies to those of you that i have not been in touch with. to bring you all up to speed on what life is for me:
~ i am a preschool teacher 5 days a week for about 9 hours a day.
~ i will be teaching snowboarding this winter to small children
~ i have officially crashed my board on the 3rd steepest paved hill in the state, one that i have managed to live at the top of.
~ i miss my friends.
so yeah, i have been hanging in there and such. i finally have my lisence, and am re-learning to drive a stick tomorrow, so that should be fun. i dn't have all that much more to say...
my birthday is in 19 days....and i will miss my people's to celebrate it with. love you guys!
toodles
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| just a thought... |
[Saturday
September 3rd, at 11:43pm] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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silence |
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and then life as he knew it changed....
there are some people i miss....and others i dn't. i could care less to be honest. sometimes it is hard...almost as though i look back on what choices i have made and realized that in hind sight, i've done some really stupid things...and hurt some people really badly. at the same time...i have seen that i am one of few, few that forgive and continue to love...continue a life including others...instead of casting them off as just another face in the crowd. our lives revolve around the ppl that we include in them...and what we gain from having them in out lives. those of us that we hold close to our hearts will never be lost, even when they are a thousand miles away, and then there are others. those of us that have grown apart and moved on to other things. i hope that at some point, things can be resolved...regardless of what may have happened in our pasts. this is not referring to any one person in general, but to anyone that i may have hurt in my past....whether it has been recent or long ago. i have begun to question what i see as "right" and "wrong", but not on the mere shallow level of external actions and what i see in life...but moreso on a deeper, emotional level that includes the external, but also the internal, and all that that includes. i feel that i have begun a part in my life where you will either be made or broken as part of my life. there are sometimes things that we just dn't care about...and decide to discard, even when they have some form of sentimental value, solely because they serve no practical purpose other than to create clutter. for the people that i care for in my life...you most likely know that you are dear to my heart, and i need not name you...if you don't know....either ask me, or assume that although a part of my life...not someone that i plan on having a life-long relationship. i have said "i love you" many times...and sometimes meaning it, and other times not. i have come to learn that the words alone do not create the experience...that there must be the connection, the commitment, and the willingness in the relationship inorder for it to work and be sucessful. i have you to thank for that...and you know who you are. in some ways i have been broken, and in others, grown. i hope that this is also true for you, and if not...then hopefully there are other things learned.
on a less deep-thoughted note, life has been good. i am currently in boulder, colorado, for all of those who do not know. things are good, life is good, family is good. stress has become something that is present, but not overbearing like it was in LA and i am happy that i have moved on to another place. at the moment, i dn't think that i shall be returning to my home of venice beach for a while. as much as i miss the surf and my friends, it is not the place for me for a while. i will at some point be coming down for a short visit, mostly to obtain more of the things that i have left there. i'll post something when i get to that point in time. hope that life is well for those of you that may be struggling or moving on to new things. remember your roots and not to let things go to your head, even if it seems like things are looking up.
well...it is currently midnight here, and so i think that i shall be off to bed. be well, take care. peace
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| peace.... |
[Tuesday
August 30th, at 5:33am] |
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silence |
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well...I'M THE FUCK OUT! to all the people that i care about here in LA i will miss you all greatly, and you know who you are, i shouldn't have to name you. take care of yourselves, i'll be around...and i'll keep in touch. my time has come...
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[Friday
August 26th, at 9:30am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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one ~ apocalyptica |
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4 and counting
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| just for the record.... |
[Wednesday
August 24th, at 9:41am] |
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mood |
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relieved and at peace... |
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music |
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the world at large ~ modest mouse |
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so for all of you (and those of you that dn't) my court date went amazingly well. i have 2 years summary probation (basically i'm my own boss, so dn't fuck things up) and 160 hours of community service, that i was allowed to do in colorado. i can also have this expunged from my record two years from yesterday as long as i dn't do anything stupid again...which hopefully won't be a problem. based on that being done and handeled...
i leave for colorado in 6, count them (1,2,3,4,5,6) days! if you care to keep in touch or whatnot....let me know...i'll give you my info.
i'll keep you all updated as to how life is...take care!
"I move on to another day, to a whole new town with a whole new way
Went to the porch to have a thought
Got to the door again, I couldn't stop
You don't know where and you don't know when
But you still got your words and you got your friends
Walk along to another day
Work a little harder, work another way
Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan
We'll float on maybe would you understand?
Gonna float on maybe would you understand?
We'll float on baby would you understand?...
...You said that you did, but you didn't understand...
...I know that starting over is not what life's about
But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth
My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth
My thoughts were so loud"
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| this mess... |
[Thursday
July 28th, at 8:36am] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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kroq |
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so it seems
that pages unwritten
have been soiled with time
and emotions have run dry
try again as we might
things just aren't the same
yeah...
things just aren't the same
so watch me now
as i pack my bags
maybe one day
things will change
watch these verses unfold
chapters in time
and your hand in mine
until that day
i'll play life away
waiting for the one thing
that makes the void complete
tears fill these eyes
and fill these blank pages
soiled as they may be
i'm ready when you are
take the leap of faith
just one more chance
cause i feel something
that isn't there anymore
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| LiFe....that so called thing.... |
[Tuesday
July 12th, at 12:31pm] |
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music |
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jack johnson |
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so you know how in high school everyone's trying to get out...but once they are out, they want to be back in again....well i'm kinda there but not. i'm looking forward to moving on with my life, going to college, getting married, all that good stuff, but i am going to miss a lot of people back in l.a. which reminds me...if you want me to keep in touch with you, leave me your info in a voicemail on my phone (310)795 6982, or leave it in a comment here...i'll screen them so that not everyone in the world can see it. um, yeah...i will be leaving august 15th, so i have until then....hope everyone is enjoying their summers.
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[Tuesday
June 14th, at 9:58pm] |
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mood |
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alone and overwhelmed... |
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music |
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jack johnson... |
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so the day was somewhat interesting....although i am finding that i have less and less patience with people, which saddens me. if i have come off as closed off to you lately, i sicerely appologize, it is not my intention...my head is just overloaded right now and so relationships with people are kinda getting put on the back burner. i love you guys and you know it... if anyone wants to come by and say hi on sunday, i am working at quiksilver on the promenade from 10-4, i'll give a discount if i can...oh, faisal, if you are reading this...i found the boardshorts, but we dn't have your size, however, i will ordr them for you if you tell me what size you would like...let me know. hope everyone had a good day...i'm out, peace!
just because its true...
The Keys to Your Heart
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You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. |
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. |
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. |
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. |
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. |
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. |
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. |
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. |
...doesn't mean i'll show it.
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| just thoughts in my head... |
[Monday
June 13th, at 8:47pm] |
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mood |
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my head is overflowing... |
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music |
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somebody told me ~ the killers |
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to see you when i wake up
is a gift i didn't think could be real.
to know that you feel the same as i do
is a three-fold, utopian dream.
you do something to me that i can´t explain.
so would i be out of line if i said
i miss you.
i see your picture,
i smell your skin on the empty pillow, next to mine.
you have only been gone ten days
but already i´m wasting away.
i know i´ll see you again
whether far or soon.
but i need you to know that i care
and, i miss you.
i miss you.
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| a small favor to ask... |
[Saturday
June 11th, at 9:09pm] |
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mood |
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 make it work... |
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music |
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silence...cause i dn't have the software for my ipod |
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um...i have a small favor to ask, and it would be greatly appreciated.
does anyone have the mac os x version 10.2.8 or 10.3.4 or newer software? i need it for my computer because it is stupid and won't let me use my new ipod unless i have said software...so if anyone has it....please? thanks...much love!
p.s. steph straigtened my hair...it's kinda odd, but gives me flashbacks at the same time....eh, i'd like it better if my hair was shorter....but it's cool. peace...
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[Thursday
June 2nd, at 7:37pm] |
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mood |
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alone again... |
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music |
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silence...but a heavy one |
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why i'm not sure...maybe it's me trying to cope with my loss, maybe it's something completely different. as i look back on memories and things gone by i still try to find the things that made what it is now a reality, and how i got there.
it seems like that day is forever and we will both be different people, and that scares me because with being different people come different feelings, and it's hard. i'm not sure what will happen, no one does, but i wish i could find a way to heal this and have it be done. it seems like when i look back, it was just overnight...but i know it wasn't.
seems like the closer i get to leaving, the closer i am to tears everyday. when i leave, so does a part of my heart...and i dn't know if i will get that back, which is why it hurts so bad. stress and life seem to be taking their tolls on me...and i can feel myself wearing out...like something has to give. i just dn't know what....
that's all...i'm out.
p.s. i found out my uncle was shot today...a moment of silence would be greatly appreciated, and wishes that he recovers. thank you.
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a_chained_soul's journal